working together to navigate youth ministry well through relationships—where every teenager matters…….

–by Jim Eaton

In the community where I work there are five full-time youth pastors and bunch of passionate adults who volunteer in their church youth groups. All together we have a phenomenal sense of community. We work together and share the same heart to reach the lost students of our community. In an effort to let our presence be known in our community we decided that we would like to make as many connections with the school district as possible by serving however we are needed.

Very quickly we received a request to help chaperon the high school football homecoming dance. Eager to pitch in and help, and stoked to be INVITED onto the students’ ‘turf’, three of us (and my awesome wife) signed up to help.

As my wife and I approached the entrance we noticed the HUGE line of eager students waiting to enter. We greeted some of the students in line who we knew from church. We made it to the door and introduced ourselves to the principal. He had some contraption in his hand which he was using to check kids. I thought it was a metal detector, only later did I found out it was a breath-a-lizer (SP?).

As we entered the lunch room where the dance was being held, there were a few students milling around experiencing that awkward pre-event social positioning which happens at just about any youth event, even at our own youth group events. The music was playing but no one was yet brave enough to ‘be there first’.

Thirty minutes later the place was packed and the DJ finally began playing what the students considered to be ‘great’ music to dance to. I quickly became shocked at what I witnessed. I could not believe the way that many (certainly not all of course) were dancing… including students from my own youth group. It blew me away. I won’t go into detail because I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

So in that moment I was struck with the tension I felt rise up inside of me. On one hand my heart broke for the student population of my town. On the other hand an anger came up inside of me. This anger was not focused at the students themselves for their actions. Instead it was focused at the ‘world’/the enemy/the ‘system’/ the ‘whatever-you-want-to-call-it’ … I didn’t know who.
I was frustrated that the girls believed that they had to behave that way to get attention and love from guys and then seeing the guys take complete advantage of that.

Through this experience I was reminded of the need for love, grace and mercy for students. And probably more importantly, the need to provide authentic relationship ‘for relationship’s sake’ as Andy Root suggests in “Revisiting Relational Youth Ministry”.

Perhaps you can help myself and the other youth pastors wrestle with some of our questions in coming out of this experience. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Here are some of the questions we’re wrestling with:

1. Despite known and well communicated rules about dancing (“face to face with space”) not one administrator or teacher stepped in to stop the blatant breaking of said rules. At the dance there were four principals, two teachers, 2 police officers, us youth pastors, and my wife. What is our role in enforcing the rules? We tried to take cues from the administration, so that we didn’t over step our bounds, should we have done something or was just being a presence and building a relationship more important?

2. As a youth pastor I talk about being in the world and not of it all the time. So if I preach that on Wednesday night, but then on Saturday night at the dance I don’t say anything, then am I condoning the behavior? Will the students see a double standard in me?

3. Should ‘we’ (the youth pastors) confront (with grace, truth, and love) the administration? Or do we just continue to be a quiet presence in the lives of our students?

4. Should we keep ‘reaching out’, or should we just bury our head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t happen? (Ignorance is certainly bliss in this case!)

All of this relates loosely to Jim Dekker’s recent post… (be sure to check that GREAT post out too!)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective!