working together to navigate youth ministry well through relationships—where every teenager matters…….

–by Ben Zabel

I hope that those of you who are single don’t check out because of this title, because I think that the lessons God has been teaching me transcend ministering together as married persons. I just finished a week of speaking with my wife Andrea at the camp where we both worked during college. This was our first time collaborating in ministry to this extent, and it was difficult. Largely, the difficulty comes from the fact that we are both stubborn, and have very different natural tendencies in both faith and speaking about faith. The center of my faith is in my head. Her faith resides firmly in her heart. Thus, we complement each other very well, when we mutually submit to each other. Basically, pride can easily ensnare!

Personally, I find it hard to hear with my heart, if that makes sense. I often find myself second-guessing the way that she approaches a topic because she approaches through with her heart, while I hear it with my head. To me, a logical progression or argument is how I naturally process faith. It is difficult for me to process what is meant for the heart. Because she speaks from her heart, we tended to clash at times when preparing an outline to what we would speak about. It took both of us willingly elevating the faith expression of the other above our own in order to actually get anywhere.

In some ways, it became a spiritual practice of submission and humility throughout the entire week. I began to learn how to pray for her while she spoke, instead of critiquing every phrase and connection that she made. I began to learn how to humble myself. I began to understand that not everyone in the room thinks like me! This was a hard process for me, but one that was enriching. I am by no means there. I haven’t arrived. Hopefully, though, as we speak together more and more I will learn to be more humble and supportive, elevating her and her process of understanding faith above me and my process.

I think that these lessons that God has begun taking me through will only make me a better pastor as my position in youth ministry becomes more and more like management. As I work with volunteers and paid youth staff this will help me to empower others, value others, and it will hopefully keep me from micro managing. The lessons that I have learned and will hopefully continue to learn will help me to be a better co-minister and a better leader.

Lord, please continue your work in me. Amen